Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
