sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
