please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
