My balls are so social today.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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