WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
