Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I supernannyed him into submission
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
