Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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