so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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