why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
