I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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