"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
