at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have post one night stand depression
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