Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
