I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
