guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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