So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
