Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
