I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
