it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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