Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
