Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
