I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
