I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
