you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
