I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
