I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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