I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
