just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
