my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
