i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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