He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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