You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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