She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
