I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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