even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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