im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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