she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
