Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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