It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize