so that wasnt chicken after all
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
