did you get engaged???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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