My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
