this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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