Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize