I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
