Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
