he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
