I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
