Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
