oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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