That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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