He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
two words...techno handjob
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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