Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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