And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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