The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
