Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
