they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize