my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
