I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
