know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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