You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
