Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
