I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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