i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
