Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
