my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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