No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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