had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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