dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
