Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
