So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
