is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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