You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
