For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
