There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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