she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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