Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
