i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
